Respectful Manners, thoughtful gestures
Funeral Etiquette
Many of us are unsure about what encouraging words to say to the family or how to interact and respond to their feelings of sorrow. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting.
When Should I Visit?
What Should I Say?
Where Should I Sit?
What Should I Do?
What Should I Do About Children?
What Should I Give?
When Should I Visit?
After learning of someone’s passing, it’s appropriate to visit the family at home, though the funeral home is often the most suitable place to express your condolences and support. If you’d like to offer comfort before the services take place, simple gestures can mean a great deal, such as bringing food, helping with household needs, offering childcare, or running errands are all thoughtful ways to ease the burden on a grieving family.
What Should I Say?
This is one of the most common questions asked by those wishing to pay their respects. While no words can truly capture the depth of loss, offering a few sincere, kind words can bring comfort and let the family know you care. It's best to avoid personal grievances or phrases like "they're in a better place," as these may unintentionally cause discomfort during such a sensitive time.
Where Should I Sit?
Many people attend funeral services without being familiar with traditional seating arrangements. Generally, the first few rows at both the funeral and visitation are reserved for immediate family. If you are not a family member, it is respectful to choose a seat behind the reserved section.
What Should I Do?
Punctuality is important when attending a funeral or visitation. Enter the funeral home or venue quietly and respectfully. If attending a visitation, take a moment to offer your condolences to the family before finding your seat. Please silence your cellphone, as using it during the service is considered inappropriate. If you need to respond to a call or message, kindly step outside or into another room.
What Should I Do About Children?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to whether a child should attend a visitation or funeral. It depends on their relationship to the deceased, their age, and their ability to behave appropriately during the service. If you choose to bring your child, it's helpful to gently explain what to expect and how they are expected to act, so they feel prepared and comfortable.
What Should I Give?
Sending flowers to the funeral home or the family’s residence is a thoughtful and appropriate way to express condolences. In some cases, the family may request donations to a specific charity in lieu of flowers. These wishes should always be respected. Providing food to the grieving family is another meaningful gesture of support. A sympathy card is also a heartfelt and affordable way to offer comfort, and there is no specific timeline. Cards are welcome whenever you're ready to reach out.
When Should I Visit?
Once you learn of someone’s death, visiting the family at their home is appropriate, but the funeral home is the best place to visit with family members and offer your condolences. For anyone wanting to visit and offer assistance to the family before services are held, these actions can provide additional comfort. Offering to bring food, household necessities, assist with childcare and handle any errands or chores are a few of the things you can do to assist the grieving family.
What Should I Say?
This is the most common question asked by someone wanting to pay their respects. While no words can adequately express the depth of a loss, offering a few kind words to the family of the deceased lets them know you care. Try to avoid airing your grievances or saying the deceased is in a better place now.
Where Should I Sit?
Many people attend funeral services and are unfamiliar with seating arrangements. Typically, at both the funeral and visitation service, the first rows of seats are reserved for family members. If you are not a part of the family, choose a seat behind the reserved seating.
What Should I do?
Arriving on time is very important. When entering either the funeral home or another location, enter as quietly as possible. If you are attending the visitation, speak to the surviving family members and offer your condolences before taking a seat. Cellphone use during a service is inappropriate. If you feel you must answer a message or call, excuse yourself and walk into another room or outside.
What Should I Do About Children?
While there isn’t a definite answer to this question, a child attending a visitation or funeral service depends on the situation or relationship to the deceased and their family, as well as the age of the child and whether or not they can appropriately behave. If you decide to take your child to any service, explain what will occur while at the service and how they should act during that time.
What Should I Give?
Sending flowers to the funeral home or home is an appropriate way to offer condolences. In some cases, the family members may ask for donations to be made to a particular foundation in lieu of flowers, and those wishes should be honoured. Bringing food to the grieving family is another way to show respect to those who are suffering from the loss. A less expensive and completely appropriate option would be to send the family a sympathy card. There is no specific time or expiration on when cards can be sent.
